


Sober Thoughts are Drunken Words

by DJ_Stridenasty



Series: Modern RvB AU [1]
Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Drunk confessions, Highschool AU, M/M, Mentioned Abusive Relationships, Modern AU, Underage Drinking, dont read if you came here for the chex i took his early descriptions of tex and ran with it, how do you tag a relationship thats requited but doesnt end up canon?, its chucker they just dont actually get together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:14:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27419359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DJ_Stridenasty/pseuds/DJ_Stridenasty
Summary: Church woke him up in the middle of the night. Again. Why is it that whenever something goes wrong, he turns to Tucker? Tucker only has so many nights of sleep he's willing to sacrifice.TWs: Parental death mention, abusive relationship mentions, underage drinking
Relationships: Implied/Referenced Leonard L. Church/Agent Texas, Leonard L. Church/Lavernius Tucker
Series: Modern RvB AU [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2009356
Comments: 1
Kudos: 12





	Sober Thoughts are Drunken Words

Lavernius was awoken in the middle of the night to the sharp noise of something bouncing off the window. Blearily, he sat up, wondering what woke him, until the noise repeated itself. Startled, he sucked in a sharp breath and pulled his blanket up over his head- then, feeling childish, gripped the blanket to his mostly naked form, and grabbed the knife he had hidden away under his pillow, as well as his phone. He pushed his back up against his headboard as his brown eyes adjusted to the darkness flooding his room, the only light being a faint street light outside his window. When another rattle of his window filled his room and invaded his ears, the boy slowly pulled himself to his feet, one hand gripping the blanket to cover up his bare chest as he approached the window. The only thing keeping him in his senses was the sharp object gripped in his white knuckles, as all his instincts screamed at him to run, run, run, but his consciousness told him to stay to guard his mother and his siblings. Another crack against his window made him nearly jump out of his skin, so he grabbed onto the edge of the frame and ripped it open, thrusting the knife out first.

His gesture was met with a “Holy fuck, dude!” The voice ripped Lavernius back into reality, and he squinted into the darkness until a flashlight turned on, nearly blinding the teen.

“Fuck, Church! What the hell are you doing here?” He stumbled back slightly, rubbing his eyes until they adjusted to the light that was now graciously being aimed away from his eyes. Finally, with some comprehension, he covered his chest completely with his blanket, rather than gracing the intruder with a nip slip or two. 

“What the fuck are you doing trying to stab me?” Came the seething reply, his friend’s scowl faintly illuminated from the light shining towards the ground. 

“Sorry it sounded like someone was trying to break into my fucking house! Learn some fucking manners! Maybe call me instead of trying to shatter my window!” Despite Lavernius’s angry words, he set the knife down on the sill, and leaned out the window, eyes narrowed. “Now answer my question, what the ever loving fuck are you doing here?” 

Leonard’s anger from almost being skewered subsided slightly, enough for him to visibility deflate. “I couldn’t sleep, cause Tex was being a bitch again.”

Lavernius couldn’t say he was surprised much, as that was his angry friend’s usual reason for waking him in the middle of the night. He allowed the tension in his shoulders to relax slightly. “Texas was keeping you up? Bow chicka wow wow.”

His usual phrase encouraged his friend to shine the flashlight into his eyes, which Lavernius cursed at, sharply turning his head away with black spots dancing around his vision. “Shut the fuck up, Tucker, not the time for that.” Once Lavernius was sure the light was no longer being shined in his eyes, he turned back to the shorter man.

“Whatever. What did you come all the way here for, rather than calling me like a normal human being?” 

“I didn’t have my fucking phone, numbnuts. My father took it from me ‘cause I have a C in one of my classes.”

“A C? Jesus dude, sucks! Maybe you should get a new dad,” and he felt a little assholish laughing, but if Lavernius and Leonard’s relationship was anything but assholish, it might as well not be them.

Leonard just sneered. “At least I have a dad," he retorted, and at Lavernius's hurt expression, he felt a little regretful. Glossing over his stinging remark, he continued on. "Anyways, a new dad would wise up to me stealing his car in the middle of the night. Look, man, I just wanted someone to talk to that wasn’t Lina or Tex, and I’d rather not deal with You-Know-Who right now.” He made a goofy face, before his eyes rolled behind his glasses. 

Lavernius nodded, seemingly recovered from Leonard's words. “Yeah, man. I get you. So now that you’re here, what do you want?”

“Uh,” Leonard said, smartly. “After seeing your knife come at me like that, I didn’t think I’d get this far. I got some booze in the car, that Tex gave me. We can get some shitty fast food and get buzzed in a park.”

“Now you’re speaking my language! Let me get dressed.” Lavernius turned and dropped the blanket on his bed, tucking the knife under his pillow once again. He tried not to make too much of a ruckus as he got dressed, pulling on a sports bra and a teal hoodie, and topping it off with thin, tan sweatpants. After grabbing his wallet and house key, he vaulted himself out of the window, closing it behind himself. 

“That was fast,” the shorter one responds with a raised eyebrow, and Lavernius just lights up a little.

“That’s what she said, bow chicka wow wow,” he said with a grin as he began to follow Leonard’s lead to the more or less borrowed car. Instead of gracing his friend’s remark with a retort, he just glared back at him in an outlet of annoyance, ignoring the smirk that had spread across the other’s dark cheeks. He unlocked the car using the key fob, and pulled himself into the driver’s seat. Before he was even in the seat all the way, he locked the doors once more, before Lavernius’s hand could even touch the handle. Once the victim of the little prank realized it was locked, he knocked on the window- and upon seeing Leonard’s shit-eating grin, he narrowed his eyes. “I’m sneaking out of my house at two in the fucking morning for you, I’ll turn right back!”

“Low blow, asshole,” but it did the trick as Leonard once again unlocked the doors to allow Lavernius to hop into the car. Once both men were situated, Leonard started up the car and began to drive to his destination. The passenger busied himself reaching into the back to find the alcohol the driver had promised, and once found, cracked open a can of hard cider with a satisfying hiss. After taking a drink, he cast a glance over at Leonard. 

Leonard and Lavernius had been friends since elementary school. Though they vehemently refused to talk about it, they had been through some shit together over the course of those seven years. Leonard had stuck by Lavernius’s side through all the turbulence in his life, and vice versa- through abusive girlfriends, angsty sisters, dead fathers and birthed siblings, they had silent supported the other with snark and lip, but every malicious comment was just Church-and-Tucker-code for ‘I’m here for you’ or ‘I care’. 

They had also been there for each other as they grew and changed with time and age. Lavernius remembers the day that Leonard had finally grown the slightest hint of a mustache, in freshman year of high school, and had called him at the asscrack of dawn to talk about it. Lavernius had snarked about him still needing to grow a pair of balls to go with the mustache, and hung up on him to go back to sleep for a few minutes, but deep down, the unusual enthusiasm in the lanky boy’s voice had made Lavernius’s heart warm. That was an enthusiasm hardly heard anymore, since Leonard had met Allison. Ever since, Leonard had become more of a shadow of himself than Lavernius had seen of him even in his worst depressive moments. All the money he had earned from his job Allison stole from him right under his nose, and she didn’t bother to hide the fact she had been flirting and sleeping with other men, often using his money to get in their hearts and pants. Their break-ups were always nasty, and more than once Lavernius had walked over to Leonard’s house to help him when he was still nursing the emotional wounds that her sharp words had caused. At the end of the day, though, Leonard and Allison always got back together, and the teen had to sit by and watch with a forced smile as he cracked the same joke he always did- “Her name is Allison, huh? Someone’s got a mommy complex.” He had to idly watch as Leonard ripped himself apart over and over, just to put himself back together and crawl back to kiss Allison’s cigarette-ashed boots. 

Lavernius’s eyes scanned over the driver’s face, as he reminisced on their past together. He had grown so much from the stressed, tired little boy he had initially met. Leonard’s jawline had slowly sharpened, and was stubbled over with a 12 o’ clock shadow. His nose had sharpened, too, and perched upon them was a thin-rimmed pair of glasses. His jet black hair was always messy, and now was no exception- Lavernius wasn’t sure if it was untamable, or if he just never brushed it. Maybe he didn’t want to know. He had nice sideburns, though, that traveled down slightly into a slight stubble of facial hair that was begging to be cleaned up, just like the hair on the back of his neck. 

One thing that never changed, though, were his steel blue eyes. Though now they were concealed by blue frames and sunken into grey bags, those eyes would always stay the same. The younger one had found himself strangely infatuated with his eyes. He loved the way that his eyes would only light up when he talked to Lavernius, or the way that when the sky greyed, his eyes seemed to as well, or how when he took off his glasses, Lavernius felt like he was falling into infinity, and never wanted to get back up on his feet. 

From the corner of his eye, the steel blue eyes’ owner glanced over at his admirer. He waited for a bit, to see if it was just a once-off, but when Lavernius’s gaze lingered, he cleared his throat. “Take a picture, Tucker, it lasts longer.” 

His words snapped the younger man out of his trance, who blinked his own brown eyes. “You’re starting to break out, dude. You need a better skin care routine.”

Leonard just rolled his eyes. “Shut the fuck up, you hormonal asshole, you’re one to talk.”

Offended, he gasped. “My skin is flawless, dude! Sorry, sucks to be you, but just cause I’m hot and you’re not doesn’t mean you have to be a dick about it.”

“Says the one who insulted my skin first!” 

From there, the two dissolved into their usual half-hearted bickering, but neither of them needed Google translate to know what the other truly meant. ‘Thanks for being here with me. Even if your staring was creepy.’ ‘Any time, man.’

The two somehow, miraculously, made it to the park unscathed, after a pit stop at a gas station and a fast food joint. Adequately stocked up on greasy food and high calorie snacks, the two found their destination in a grassy park, a playground a few strides away up the hill. The two hauled their spoils to the bottom of the hill, and Lavernius laid down his hoodie on the grass, now clad in significantly less clothing. Goosebumps rose on his dark skin in the chill of the night, but the sports bra was modest enough, and covered what needed to be. The two of them sat down on the hoodie, and Tucker finished off the drink he had opened when they first got in the car. As he leaned down to grab a second from its hiding spot in a backpack, he offered Leonard one too. WIthout a hint of hesitation, the shorter man grabbed the can and cracked it open, downing a half with terrifying ease. The other man suddenly felt much more inadequate in his ability to handle alcohol, but instead of bringing light to it, he just began snacking. It was a comfortable silence, with no tension between the two. The silence was all they needed to hear from the other- their presence was more than enough.

After a few minutes of radio silence, Leonard broke the silence in his deep voice as he pulled something out of his pocket and offered it to Lavernius. “Want one?”

Curiously, he redirected his gaze to the object in Leonard’s hand. A carton of cigarettes. His mind warred internally, before Lavernius nodded and reached down, grabbing one with a soft laugh. “Imagine what Simmons would say about this. I think the sheer unhealthiness of seeing us would make him pass out.”

Leonard snorted derisively. “I think him just looking at you would make him pass out.” Ignoring Lavernius’s little ‘hey!’, he continued on. “Besides, it’s not like he watches Grif do this exact thing in higher quantities on a daily basis. He can suck my left nut if he wants to complain about this.”

“Ohh, the left one, what a high honor, Church!” He nudged the shorter man playfully before holding out his cigarette for a light. When Leonard graciously lit up the cigarette, he took a puff of it and laid back, scrunching up his nose slightly at the taste. His companion paid no mind to it, leaning back next to him.

“You know, Tex stole these from some dude’s mom,” Leonard started, and the other internally sighed. Allison was the last thing he wanted to be talking about. But he said nothing outwardly, so the former continued on. “She gave them to me as an apology for sleeping with that dude.” 

“That’s the second guy this month, man,” Lavernius sighed out, eyebrows drawn upward with concern. 

“I know that!” He retorted defensively. “I just… she said she really cared about me, man. She said she was going to try to get better this time. She’s just scared to commit.”

“Said the wolf to the sheep! She’s sleeping with the rest of the herd, just ‘cause she says a few sappy words to you doesn’t mean she’ll suddenly shed her wolf coat and stop being such a colossal bitch!”

The other prickled at that, his brows furrowing to dip behind his glasses. “She’s going to get better, I know it! She means it when she says she loves me. I just have to wait for her to be ready.”

“She’s never going to be ready to do anything but steal your shit and break your heart,” Lavernius sighed, a tinge of longing to his voice. “No matter how many times she says otherwise.” To add an emphasis to the end of his sentence, he took a drag of the sickly tasting cigarette. 

“Yeah, well…” Leonard started, only to trail off without making a point. He just sighed instead, and grabbed a few fries from a carton, pushing them into his mouth. When Lavernius still hadn’t responded by the time he had chewed through the fries, he decided to try again. “Maybe I just want someone to fucking love me for once in my life. Allison can take whatever she wants. As long as she keeps giving me the time of day.”

Lavernius looked like he was struck. He knew that taking his words personally was seriously selfish, but he never claimed to be selfless. “Maybe you need to get your head out of your ass and start looking around, dude! Lots of people love you outside of your little circlejerk of misery with Allison!” After his small outburst, he tugged nervously on one of his dreadlocks that wasn’t pulled up into a ponytail. 

“Oh yeah? Who? Cause if my own fucking father can’t love me, who can?”

“Maybe people who are closer than your father, dipshit! There are lots of people who just want to be close to you, so if you could stop pushing them out in favor of some bitch who won’t stop getting in your pants just to get to your pockets, maybe you could see that people care about you!” 

“Great roundabout, Tucker. You didn’t say a single fucking name. Your blatantly hollow words are heard!”

“Fuck you! You want names? Take your sister! Caboose! Grif! DuFresne!” And he didn’t say his own name, but as he sat up, his own hand rested across Leonard’s slightly. “Don’t they matter? They care about you!”

Leonard seemed to be stunned into a silence, as his nose scrunched up. His eyes flicked down to where Lavernius’s hand rested on his own. Though he made no move to draw his hand away, the taller seemed to rip his hand away like Leonard’s gaze had burnt him. “I’m just sick of watching you continue to hurt yourself, so like, fucking knock it off, or whatever.”

They both fall into a silence again, though this one much more uncomfortable. Both of them know that Leonard isn’t going to stop chasing after Allison, not after he's been dependant on her for so long. So without words, they mutually agree to drop the topic. As the minutes drip away, they work together to drink themselves silly with the alcohol provided by the wall in their relationship. With their cheeks flushed and breath reeking of fruity beer and smoke, and snacks turned into trash, the two begin to open back up again. Allison doesn't come up again. They converse about their friends, and insult their fellow students, or stargaze together.

Eventually, Leonard says, "fuck, dude. It's getting so fucking late," and he rests his forehead against Lavernius's shoulder tiredly. Tucker, mildly less inebriated than Leonard, laughs softly.

"Let's get back to the car. Your dad is going to fucking kill you if he wakes up and sees that is car is gone."

"Let him," the former groans, as he looks up at Lavernius with smoky eyes through lopsided glasses. The sight makes the taller's cheeks heat up, and he looks away, tugging on one of his dreads. 

"That is a horrible idea. One for the books, dude. That thought sucks so hard, it'd give a man halfway across the world a blowjob," and he cringes a little at how bad of a euphemism that was. Leonard just snorts, scrunching up his nose slightly and causing his glasses to fall more.

"Gross, Tucker! Gross. Gross… but yeah. Yeah. Shit, dude… Let's get back to the car." Relieved at the suggestion, Lavernius shoved the shorter man away, and stood up, brushing himself off as he begins to collect the trash of their outing. After a few minutes, he caught onto the fact Leonard wasn't doing the same, but rather was now laying on the ground, fumbling with another cigarette.

"Uh. Church?"

"Mmm?"

"Get up."

"Mmm."

"Dude."

"Tucker…"

"What the fuck do you want?"

Instead of using his words, like any other high school senior, he mustered up the best pleading eyes a grown-looking man could.

"What." Lavernius's tone was suddenly much more dry, knowing what Leonard was going to ask.

"Give me a ride back to the car?"

"Ugh! Dude, come on. It's such a short walk." His rationalizing is met with more pleading. Lavernius's weak will fades, and he sighs, his yearning for physical touch willing him more than his common sense and lack of muscle. He sighs, giving in with a, "fine. This once."

Lighting up, Leonard gets up and stores his cigarette in his mouth as he trekks over to his partner. Lavernius squats down slightly and opens up his arms, as the shorter man wraps his arms around the other's neck and hops up. Lavernius grunts, but hooks his arms under the pale man's legs, and holds him up as Leonard makes himself comfortable, cigarette hanging loosely from his lips. "If you ash that on me, or burn my hair, I'm driving the car off a fucking cliff with us both in it." Leonard grunts his understanding, resting his cheek on the darker man's shoulder as he puffs away. 

Lavernius, now acting as a human taxi, finishes picking up the trash and carries both the bag and the man to the car. He prolongs the walk slightly, taking advantage of Leonard's more inebriated state to stumble a longer path, enjoying the warmth radiating from his friend despite his muscles protesting. Eventually, both their bliss ends when they reach the car. 

"Hop down, or I'm dropping you," Lavernius states. Leonard opens his eyes, and looks contemplative. When he takes too long, the taller stays true to his promise and drops Leonard on the ground.

"Shit!" He exclaims as he lands ass first on the ground. His friend snorts as he opens the door and tosses in the trash bag, before offering his hand to the floored man. After making heads and tails of it, the drunker man grabs onto Lavernius's hand and pulls himself up. Once on his feet, the latter begins to frisk Leonard and pats down his pockets. "Hey, what the fuck? What gives! Stop groping me!"

"Groping? Gross! I don't even swing that way. I'm looking for the keys." He pulls the keys from Leomard's front pocket, before shoving him away. He stumbles, but manages to stay upright as Lavernius clambers into the drivers seat. 

"Oh," he states smartly, before fumbling with the door to get into the passengers seat, too drunk to protest a tipsy man driving his father's expensive car. 

Lavernius starts up the car and his eyes light up at the ease, as opposed to the fight he had to put up when driving his mom's car. He begins driving, though almost running into a tree when he slips it into drive rather than reverse. He gets on the road with no casualties, however, and begins driving. 

As Lavernius drives, his mind wanders to the lingering warmth on his back. As embarrassed as he was to admit it, he was so starved for touch that even something as small as that made his skin set alight. For the annoyance that he fronted when Michael squeezed him into a hug, he enjoyed the feel of him squeezing the air out of his chest in such a tremendous show of affection. Even something as small as Dexter patting him on the back was enough to leave lingering tingles where his hand was. So as much as he pretended to hate giving Leonard rides, and as much as his muscles protested, he always gave in and bathed in the feeling of the warmth against his back, and reveled in the feeling of having someone close. 

Amidst his thinking, it occurred to Lavernius he had no idea where he was taking Leonard, or with the shorter man’s intoxicated state, where he would be taking himself. He could drop him off at his house, but that would be subjecting himself to an hour long walk back to his own house, and in the middle of the night, he figured that was far from a good idea.

“Uh,” he started, “so what are your plans from here?”

Leonard, seemingly caught off guard, fluttered his eyelashes in thought. “Well, I don’t know. I haven’t thought that far ahead… I guess I’ll graduate high school, and go to college for computer science. Maybe Allison will be ready to commit, so she’ll settle down and we can get a house and have a family-”

“Church. Dude. How the fuck are you getting home tonight?”

“Oh. Ohhh.” Lavernius couldn’t tell if the flush on his cheeks was the alcohol or the embarrassment. “I’ll drive myself?”

“Hell no! You had to ask me for a piggy back ride, you can’t drive yourself home.”

“Hey, fuck you! I’m not that drunk!”

“I shouldn’t be driving, and I’m a hell of a lot more sober than you,” Lavernius scolded. Leonard seemed to deflate at this. When it was clear he didn’t have a plan, he took a bit to form his own. “Hey, you can stay here tonight, and we can head to your place in the morning, before your dad wakes. How does that sound?”

Leonard nodded, then nodded again after a few seconds passed. “Okay. Okay. That sounds okay, I guess.”

“Then that settles it,” Lavernius remarked as he changed course to get home. 

The two eventually made it home, safe. The less intoxicated man parked the stolen car outside of the small duplex. Leonard moved to get out on his own, but as he stood, a sudden wave of drunkenness hit him and he fell onto his hands and knees, groaning. Pitying him, Lavernius picked him up and carried him inside, trying to be as quiet as he could with a man his size drunkenly clinging to him and whining. Once comfortably in his room, he settled Leonard onto his bed. Sky blue eyes highlighted by the red of his face, he pawed at him to get his attention.

“Tucker?” Lavernius turned towards him. Behind his cloudy glasses, Leonard’s eyes looked… hopeless.

“Yeah, Church?”

“Uh. Thanks,” he mumbled under his breath, rubbing the back of his neck. Oh, wow, was Lavernius’s first thought. Church must be a lot more drunk than he thought he was if he was apologizing.

“Whatever, dude. You’re drunk. Go to bed.”

“Seriously, Tucker,” and Leonard’s voice sounded a lot more desperate, suddenly, and the taller’s heart jumped into his throat. He met Leonard’s sky blue eyes with his own deep brown ones, a little scared. “Shit, it’s the asscrack of dawn and you just gave up your entire night for me. Fuck, I don’t know why. You’re such a dumbass! Any sensible person would cast me back out to go fuck myself sideways if I woke them up ‘cause Tex is being a bitch, but you do it over and over. Fuck, I don’t know what I’d do without you, Lavernius. You’re my best friend. You are. You just risked waking your mom and wasted your money and drove drunk and carted me around and here you are still bending over backwards for me when I’ve never done anything for you! You’re an idiot! Just tell me to fuck off already! Hate me!”

Lavernius’s mind reels to catch up with the directions that Leonard had taken within his proclamation. From praise to anger to hopelessness, Leonard’s face twisted into an amalgamation that could only be interpreted as raw desperation. His eyes had glossed over with words that he couldn’t say, and Tucker would give anything to never see that look again. 

“Leonard,” Lavernius sighed, but before he could go on, Church grabbed him by the shoulders and stood up, using him as support.

“Hate me, please, because I can’t stand it! I can’t stand how you’ve always been there and you refuse to abandon me! I can’t stand how you look at me and walk by my side and pick me up when I fall! I can’t stand how you think there’s hope for me! Hate me, because I hate how you’re so willing to always support me and take risks for me and never abandon me! Hate me, because fuck, Lavernius, I love you!”

Oh.

“Leonard,” Lavernius sighs once more, but it’s almost a whine this time around. I love you too, he wants to say, and his lips are parted because the words won’t come out. I love you, I love you, I love you, he wants to break down and yell off rooftops and on radio, I love you too, I love you too, and the words swirl around in his mind and fill his ears. But he can’t make a sound other than a breathy whimper as Leonard grabs a gentle handful of his dreads, and leans in to kiss him. 

But before their lips can touch, Leonard leans down suddenly with his forehead pressed to Lavernius’s chest as his body shudders and he retches out a disgusting mix of alcohol and junk food. Lavernius’s eyes shoot wide open as he watches his best friend make a mess of the two of them and the floor. His mind flatlines, and with a sigh, he rubs Leonard’s back as he continues to empty his stomach onto the floor. Once he’s done, he aids the drunken, sobbing, apologetic man into the bathroom, any hope of keeping silent long past gone. As he helps Leonard out of his outer layers and into a warm shower, a surge of affection warms himself up, despite the disgusting nature of everything around him. He pats the top of Leonard’s head. His best friend looks up at him, eyes swimming. Never speak about this again, he pleads wordlessly, his glasses askew, water droplets gathering at the corners.

Lavernius just took off his glasses carefully and sat next to the tub, the frames grasped loosely in his hand. Promise, he replied, without a whisper.

**Author's Note:**

> i think this fic was inspired off another fic i read but i wrote this like, half a year ago and touched it up last night so i could post it today. enjoy! rise up chucker nation!


End file.
